Star Wars Episode VII: (Insert subtitle here)
Entry posted by Nathan Strum
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So... it's been confirmed that J.J. Abrams will be directing the next Star Wars film.
The director of the new Star Trek films, will be directing the new Star Wars films.
Two nerd-worlds collide. I wonder if the internet will survive?
"It was as if millions of nerds suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."
Now, I didn't think Star Trek was all that bad when I saw it the first time. Preposterous, yes. Ridiculous, yes. Utterly and hopelessly illogical, yes.
But having seen it on TV a few times since then... besides the incessant shaky-cam shots (please... someone put a stop to this), there was something else that really, really bothered me. And the more I watched the film, the more it bothered me.
Lens flares.
Seriously. Stop with the lens flares J.J.
Nearly every... single... shot... in the whole stupid film has a fake lens flare added to it. It looks stupid. Don't believe me? Watch it. Count 'em. I bet you can't.
If "Spot the lens flares" were a drinking game, the number of alcohol-poisoning-related-deaths would skyrocket.
Now then... where - in real life - do you ever actually see a lens flare?
Any guesses?
Never. Unless you're looking through a lens. Or you have really bad astigmatism. My guess is that J.J. has bad eyes. If he doesn't see lens flares in a shot, he adds them because he sees them all the time anyway, and thinks they're normal.
I was shocked when the trailer for Star Trek Into Dumbness Darkness came out, because it didn't have lens flares every 1/2 second! Did J.J. actually direct the movie? Maybe they just didn't have the time to add them all in yet.
I'll still go see the new Star Trek and Star Wars movies. Not because I think they will be good, but just because I go see every Star Trek and Star Wars film that comes out.
I'm nerd like dat, yo.
But I defy you not to be distracted by lens flares.
Or annoyed by shaky-cam shots.
Star Trek is already a lost cause. But I had hopes for Star Wars up until today.
I'm not looking forward to shaky-cam Star Wars.
I'm not looking forward to MTV-editing Star Wars.
I'm not looking forward to lens flare Star Wars.
I'm not looking forward to red-goo Star Wars. (The Empire's new weapon: a floating blob of red paint - The Death Blob!)
I'm not looking forward to makes-no-sense-whatsoever-storylines badly acted by annoying-Gen-Y-actors Star Wars.
Although admittedly... that last one pretty-much applies to all of the prequels anyway.
Eh... could be worse.
Could've been Michael Bay.
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